We are Overdue for an Update

I want to dedicate this blog post to Patience Gall. I used to garden for Patience in Minnesota. I started working for her a few months before I began traveling in 2023 to save up some extra cash for what was supposed to be only a 9 month trip. We found through conversation surrounded by flowers in the midwest sunshine that we share a curiosity for travel. She was in her late 80s and still taking solo trips around the world. I worked for her every summer between my adventures. We’d share travel stories and I’d always have another country on my bucket list after a conversation with Patience. When I saw her last, this past October, she told me about the trip to Antarctica she had planned for this upcoming January. Patience passed away from a stroke on January 2nd at 89 years old. She read every single one of my blog posts and would often send me emails to cheer me on when my travels felt heavy. She always told me to “just keep going”. It was a blessing to know this woman and I’ll think of her as I continue to venture through the big wide world as long as I live, just as she did. 

I’ve been back in Raglan, New Zealand for almost five months. I’ve sat down to write this blog post dozens of times but I just couldn’t sum up everything that was going on into words. I feel like I’m in a vacuum of life and everything just keeps happening at full force. Hellos, goodbyes, weeks of stress followed by weeks of love, making plans and changing my mind, learning something new about the world or myself and letting it change everything… over and over and over again. As soon as I sit down to reflect on it all a new wave of life hits - I can’t keep up! But I think now is a good time to finally share what’s been happening in this corner of my world in full candidness. 

When we left off in my last post, I wrote about how I was coming back to my favorite little town in New Zealand with a visa that allows me to legally work, but I arrived with dengue fever still in my system, the job I had lined up fell through, it was peak summer season so the odds of getting a new one were stacked against me, I had no where to stay with my housing situation also not working out because of lease issues and with two lost debit cards I had no ability to get cash out of an ATM. I was already feeling uneasy about entering the country in this state and to top it all off I got scammed on a car I had attempted to buy off facebook market place. I was so set on buying this little car so that at least something would be settled for me in New Zealand that I fell into a trap of giving a man I met on facebook a wire deposit before viewing the car to secure it. If I hadn’t lost both of my debit cards in Thailand two days before my arrival I would have just paid him cash on the spot, but he took advantage of my situation and asked for an advanced partial payment because of some story about his work truck being impounded and needing to get it out before he sells me his car, I trusted him, and he never showed up at the bus station I arrived to with plans to drive my new car down to Raglan. I waited for 4 hours, I even got him on the phone telling me he was on his way, and still no arrival and eventually no answer. I felt quite stupid on my end, but he wasn’t the smartest either because he gave me his phone number, address, a photo of his ID and bank account info that I requested before I transferred him money that are all being used in a police case. 

Anyway, I’m sitting at the bus station absolutely defeated with no more buses to Raglan. This is one of those moments where I think “what the hell am I doing here?”. It seemed like nothing was going my way and I already felt rejected from a place I once belonged to before I even arrived. I felt like the trust I give into the world was taken advantage of, my financial situation wasn’t looking good and even my health was in shambles. Was I not supposed to come back? Is this all a mistake? Are these series of unwanted events a big sign? 

I spent a lot of time over the summer thinking about what my next move would be: should I keep backpacking? Can I even afford to keep backpacking? Should I stay home to build my business and have some groundedness? Will I get trapped there? Will I need to go back to teaching in the U.S? These questions held the weight of the world until I found a middle ground: coming back to Raglan. I can do my working holiday visa here, make enough money to support myself while I build my business and still feel like I’m scratching my travel itch. But at this moment it felt like I had done everything wrong. Why doesn’t life just come with a blueprint on how to live it? Going home at this point felt like a real option but if I’ve learned anything it’s that if you’re feeling lost at home, you’ll probably still feel lost across the world and vice versa. I needed to shift my perspective, fast, or these series of unfortunate events were going to start to come from myself. 

Looking back at this, all the despair I was feeling is almost silly. I have a community here, and at home, and they wouldn’t let me sink even if I tried. I called my friend Mimi. If you’ve been reading my blog since the beginning you may remember Mimi as an Irish friend that I met at my yoga teacher training in India in 2023 that turned into a best friend; a real soul sister that I keep finding around the world. Patience knew every detail about Mimi and was so excited for me to be seeing her again. When I told Mimi I was coming back to Raglan she decided to make the same move and arrived about a month before me from Australia. I told her I had been scammed and I was stranded at a bus station an hour away from Raglan. With no hesitation she came to pick me up. It’s interesting how our bodies wait to break down until we know it’s safe enough to, as soon as I saw Mimi’s bare feet jump out of her van and run toward me, curled up on a bench using my backpack as a pillow, I broke down in tears for the first time in weeks. On the ride into Rags we went over my options: should I go home or try to tough it out? 

We pulled into the hostel and I booked a bed for the next week to give myself time to figure it all out. I know this hostel well, along with the manager, and it felt good to be in a familiar place with familiar faces. They rearranged bookings so that I could fit in and even gave me a discount. This town is so small, news travels fast, and people I hadn’t even met yet already knew me as the girl that got scammed. This was oddly comforting. The next morning I drank my coffee looking over Mt Karoi and had a good think about what I should do. I looked at prices of flights to Minnesota and calculated how much I would need to make to keep myself above water if I stayed here. A question kept entering my mind, a contemplation about what it means to “go with the flow”: When should we allow resistance to move us and when should we step up to it like a challenge? I’ve had tough situations push me out of places before, but as much as I was being pushed I was also being pulled. This time I didn’t feel a pull to another place. I wanted to be here. I planned on being here. I am here. So much that happened to me was not in my control, and I remembered a piece of advice given to me by my ex boyfriend a few years ago when life was much harder: “control your controllables”. I decided to take matters into my own hands. I knew it would be difficult to find a job, get a car and afford a place to stay after this scam but at least I could try, right? 

I went around town and handed out my resume everywhere even when they told me they were fully staffed. I posted on our local facebook page seeing if anyone needs their gardens cleaned up in exchange for accommodation. I emailed the studio I taught yoga at last year and they took me back for 3 mornings a week of vinyasa practice and a weekly receptionist shift. 

Mimi brought me surfing to cheer me up, which it definitely did, and as I was walking up from the beach in a post-surf high, I noticed, for the first time, the surf school and board rental shop in the parking lot. Before I could even process what I was doing I walked up to the owner, shook his hand and asked if they were hiring. He said I could start tomorrow. This will probably go down as the best little job I’ll ever have. 

By pure luck I met a Dutch backpacker that was selling his car for cheap. (This is kind of a funny story, and just shows the serendipity that exists in New Zealand). Joris, the Dutch backpacker, met a guy named Henry in Queenstown, hundreds of miles away on the South Island of New Zealand. I actually knew Henry, he lived in Raglan last year and bought his car off the manager of the hostel to drive the entire South Island. Henry met Joris in Queenstown and ended up selling Joris his car. Henry told Joris of this special place in the north called Raglan, so Joris made an effort to drive up to Raglan before he flew back to the Netherlands. I met Joris at the hostel and he ended up selling his car to me at an incredible price. The car is now named ‘Boomerang’. Boomerang needed some TLC, so I called up my friend Asa’s landlord (Asa who I went to Tahiti with, he’s back in town too!) who is an ex-plane mechanic, to see if he had any advice for me on how to fix this car for cheap. He booked me in with his mechanic friend and I made this car drivable for half the price of what I would have paid on my own. 

My facebook post paid off because I was able to spend a week for free in the lower unit of a lovely German family’s home in exchange for weeding their gardens. They have a brand new baby and I got to help make their yard into a place for him to play someday. 

By this time I had saved enough money to pay for my first few weeks of rent so I began asking around if there were any rooms available. I heard of this home just up the hill from town that is filled with women, has views of the mountain and a sweet dog. The monthly rate is also in my budget so I messaged the owner, came by to say hello and found that the women that were living in this home were actually some of my friends from when I lived here last year. I knew every one of them and I had even been in this house before! The room available is actually a separate unit from the house, it’s like its own little home. I moved in and for the first time in almost three years I had a place to myself. My friend Chris helped me move my free bed and furniture I was given to by various people in town, and I was able to fully decorate this space in under $30. 

Once I finally settled I went back to planning trips for my clients, marketing, making guides, meeting new friends, reconnecting with old ones, getting back into my surf (once I earned enough cash I got a new-to-me board), and finding my new rhythm in Raglan. I knew it wouldn’t be the same as last year; I’m different and this place is different but I felt welcomed with open arms despite my rough start. Last year, I was a backpacker living in a literal wooden shed, riding a moped scooter that was falling apart, eating ramen noodles everyday, surfing as much as possible and planting mental seeds of what I want SoloHan to become. This year I’m really living here. I have jobs (including my travel coaching, I’m working around 50 hours a week!), a car, a business, a home, and roots to grow from. It took time, dedication and a bit of stubbornness to get me settled but I did it, and not without the help of others - near and far. 

Raglan is the most transient place I’ve ever been to. It is a constant flow of hellos and goodbyes. It attracts the most full-of-life humans I’ll ever come across that settle for a bit and then move on. But I do have my anchors, the ones I plan to stick around with, including Mimi. Sometimes the biggest lessons we learn are not from our own experiences, but the experiences of the people we love. I learned a big lesson from Mimi. Without sharing too much of her personal information, I’ll tell you that life went pretty sideways for my dear Irish friend. After her own series of unfortunate events, Mimi had no choice but to leave New Zealand and go back to her life in Ireland. Neither of us could see this coming, we had big plans to remain here for the foreseeable future. Suddenly we’re packing up her bedroom and I’m driving her to the bus station. It all happened so fast. What I learned is that we can make all of these plans, create this illusion that we’re in control and that we know what’s best for ourselves, and then life throws a fork in the road and we just have to go with it. This fact of life is as comforting as it is terrifying. Mimi handled this with pure acceptance and decided to face whatever comes next head on. I’m so proud of her. Mimi and I are living quite unconventional lives and the commitment she has to living the life she wants and nothing less is contagious. I know she’ll find whatever it is she needs to find back home in Ireland after years around the world. 

When we first got the news that Mimi had to leave, we were sitting in our backyard talking about how wild and frustrating this all is and how much we’ll miss each other. We attempted to make a plan to see each other soon but we both knew how difficult this would be and how it’s actually completely uncertain when we’ll be in the same place at the same time again. This was hard to accept. One thing we could accept is that throughout our lives were going to keep “fluttering together and apart” we literally used that word, ‘fluttering’, and just a moment later two little white butterflies flew above us, fluttering together and apart, like a dance, going higher and higher until we couldn’t see them anymore. I can’t make this up. We decided to get this tattooed on our backs. I have one tattoo, for my dad, and I always thought that it would be my one and only tattoo for the rest of my life. There have been so many times traveling I’ve been tempted to memorialize memories on my body but always felt they would undermine the tattoo for my dad. This tattoo with Mimi feels like a sum of many factors: the dance of travel, the connections I’ve made, the comfort and hope I’ve found in sharing my grief with someone who gets it, and this new idea that the world is actually small; we’re so much more connected to one another than we think. I love knowing that my traveling sister is back in Ireland with the same tattoo and someday we’ll flutter back together somewhere in the world. I also like to think that because of the friendship Mimi and I found in this realm, our dads, wherever they are now, are friends too. 

It’s funny how things work because just a week after my traveling sister left unexpectedly my blood sister Alison arrived in Raglan. This was exactly what I needed and I can’t put into words what her visit meant to me. Alison has never left the US, let alone traveled such a long distance on her own, but she got on that 15 hour flight and I picked her up in Auckland. We drove down to Raglan and she kept freaking out about how the steering wheel of my van is on the right side, and that we’re driving on the left side of the road. I hadn’t seen Alison for over five months but it felt like I had seen her a week before. Alison only had six days in the farthest place in the world and I made sure she got the best of this town. 

The first thing we did was go surfing. We borrowed some boards from my work and I gave her a quick debrief on how to pop up and catch a wave. We got in the water and I pushed her into a few waves and just like any younger sister she wanted me to stop helping her so she could do it herself. Alright. I was like, “there’s no way she’s gonna pick this up by herself”. It took me weeks of surfing with an instructor  to be able to get a wave on my own. I left Ali alone and paddled out to the bigger waves, not even realizing she was following me. Suddenly we’re both out the back and I told her the only way she’s going to get back to shore is to take one of these waves. She nodded, lined herself up, paddled her heart out and hopped on a wave I wouldn’t have surfed in my first months of getting on a board. I was so proud of her that my screaming was contagious and multiple people around us hooted as she rode the entire wave. Little shit. 

The rest of the week was spent showing Alison my favorite spots in town and catching up. I got to hear all about nursing school, drama from home, how my friends are doing and what strange new craft my mom is currently into. We told the same stories about dad we always bring back to life. Alison is an absolute savage and makes fun of me like no one else and I love it. We laughed and cackled the way I only do with my sister. She made me scratch her back every night before bed like we used to do when we were little. We took my van out to my favorite camping spot along the beach (By the way, I traded my car for a van, and then again to another van… why am I like this). We made hotdogs, drank beers and listened to Bob Dylan American style. We spent our last evening at ‘Crazy Uncle Dave’s’ house for a jam with my favorite musicians in town. Alison and Dave wouldn’t shut up about cell anatomy but I loved it. 

She told me that she understands why I’m out here. Those words lifted the weight of the world off my shoulders. I can only describe this life I’m choosing to my friends and family at home but to have my most important person experience it and understand why I’m here is a gift. I reminded her that my heart is still in Minnesota and this isn’t forever, but for now this is my path and I couldn’t be more proud of her path as well. Alison is going to be the best nurse and anyone that gets the gift to know her, let alone be cared for by her, is lucky beyond words. My next mission is to get my mama out here. 

Since I’ve been here I’ve planned four trips for women who want to get out of their routine and into the world. Meaghan (Vietnam and Thailand), Mary (Japan, Thailand and Vietnam), Haley (South Carolina), and Annmarie (Italy, Croatia and Greece). I can’t even express the fulfillment I get from passing these adventures on to others. I’ll stay up until the sunrise researching an English speaking fly fisherman guide in Japan or which elephant sanctuary in Thailand is the best for volunteers. I love learning about what kind of exploration they’re passionate about and turning it into reality. I get to know them, on a personal level, making connections through video calls that drive me to keep this business growing because I get to meet like-minded women that share the same curiosity and wonder for the world we are so lucky to live in. 

It took me a year to build up for my first long term trip, and two summers at home to build up for the others. At one point I thought I could just keep backpacking through various countries in the world for the rest of my life but the truth is it’s not sustainable. There’s gotta be seasons of rest, rebuild, and stability. Plus, I always had it in the back of my mind that maybe I’d find a place where I could spend a longer period of time. Going with the flow. The ways of Raglan and the ways of myself go hand-in-hand. It’s the slow pace of life, the close knit community, how every event or news on the town is through word of mouth, the convenience of knowing I’m taken care of away from home and how I can go into the surf at 8am on a Tuesday and I’ll know almost everyone in the line up.  This buzzing little surf town that feels like I’m living inside of a postcard would have never been on my radar if it weren't for the people I met when it was just my backpack and I two years ago. 

I arrived back to New Zealand in shambles. Here I am, working full time, and when I’m not building my business, teaching yoga or renting out surf boards I’m filling every spare moment with pure, full-hearted fun. In the past five months I’ve danced until my shoes fell apart (literally), the sun has kissed my skin a million times, I caught my biggest wave, I sang *terribly on stage, I surfed in the moonlight with some of the most amazing humans I’ll ever know, I helped catch over 100 snapper deep sea fishing for the first time, I’ve taught over 60 yoga classes in a studio that overlooks the blue sea, I’ve managed to make money outside of the U.S and live off of it, I watched a lunar eclipse with friends and guitars, I lived with housemates from all over the world that became family, I’ve said hard goodbyes, I’ve spoken up for myself, I’ve called home more and I wake up excited for what the day will bring. I’m so glad I stuck it out. I’ve discovered the real life magic and serendipities that happen when we live our lives to their fullest potential. Everything is changing all the time and I know these seasons won’t last forever but holy hell am I grateful. 

I have so many little side stories for you all. I’m thinking of doing a post with just these; like when I saved a baby cow from being killed by a ridgeback dog after surfing, when I hitchhiked into town on New Year’s Eve and the police picked me up, the 1920’s themed murder mystery party I attended and the three day Acro yoga boot camp that felt like I entered the circus. I’ve met so many beautiful characters in Raglan this time around that I can’t wait to tell you about - but it’s too much for one post!  

Today I leave for a trip to the Philippines for three weeks. I can’t wait to fill you in. 

P.s special shout out to Trudy!! 💗