Han meets Van on the South Island of New Zealand

“I wake up everyday just excited to be here”. This has been my first thought every morning since I had that conversation with one of Raglan’s best, Ru. 

I want to start this post with this little story because I think it’s important to share. Ru is a photographer and has a gift for capturing people in their rawest moments. Ru lives in Raglan with his partner Mandy. I met them at a jam a few months ago. They attend almost every show/event that comes through Raglan, Ru will take photos at these events so I’m always running into them at the best times. A lot of travelers come through Raglan, sometimes they stick around for awhile like I did, other times it could be for just a few days so I was surprised when I’d see Ru and Mandy and they’d greet me like an old friend. Right before I left for my little solo van adventure on the South Island (more on that), Ru told me that he had just found out that he has lung cancer. Never smoked a cigarette in his life. Without treatment he’d have 3 to 6 months to live. He’s undergoing treatment now, and it will be an uphill battle but I was absolutely blown away by his light. He told me there’s no need for him to be angry. No room for any regrets or resentment. The only way through this is with positivity and he is beaming it. He added that, surprisingly, this news has made him excited for life. He’s noticing the small things even more. And if you look at his photography, you’ll see that he already has an eye for the details. Ru, if you’re reading this, I am in awe of you and that little conversation we had on that wooden bench has been on my mind while I was all alone with my grief for the first time in months. I reminded myself that I don’t have to hold on to all of that, because it’s a beautiful day to be alive. How lucky are we? Strength is contagious. 

I know a lot of my readers pray. You’ve prayed for me and I know the power it holds, whether you’re religious or not. So to my praying readers, maybe we could say one for Ru. 

A photo Ru took of me at a living room concert in April. You can check out his work on instagram @captured_by_ru

If you’ve read my last post (I can see how many people are still keeping up with my writing, even when the posts are few and far between...THANK YOU) you would know that I am embarking on a big solo mission to the South Island of New Zealand via van life. I’ve had this dream of living out of a van since I met someone doing it in the Grand Tetons in 2020. I thought maybe it’d be later in life… living out of a van could be my version of “settling down”. The funny thing about dreams is sometimes we don’t get to choose when they happen and this one came out of nowhere. I didn’t envision myself going on a three week solo road trip; living entirely out of a modified van when I arrived in New Zealand. I actually thought I’d only be in this country for three weeks total with just my backpack but I upgraded big time with Big Little Campers .These past three weeks were the perfect bow to tie on my solo travels before I head back home and I owe it all to BLC.

Big Little Campers set me up with a Nissan Nv350 and it had everything I needed. A full bed, a table, a camp stove, a toilet, cookware and cutlery, a fridge, water tanks and most importantly: a hot water bottle for the chilly fall nights. New Zealand’s South Island is a dream for van life. There are countless freedom camping sites (meaning you can camp there… for free lol), the land is basically untouched, it’s safe, it’s vast and it’s STUNNING. 

This sounds silly but I had this thought countless times while driving from one campsite to the next or hiking in the mountains: “I’m on earth”. I promise this was a sober adventure. But really, some places on the South Island of New Zealand are so untouched by people with our big buildings, factories and farms that I saw what I imagine the earth would look like if humans never arrived or evolved or however we got here. 

I’ve been routine-less in Raglan for the past few months. Basically, my days revolved around the surf and yoga classes. This is fun, but I, along with most children and adults alike, thrive on routine. It was fun to put a little routine in place for myself every day.

It looked like this: wake up with the sunrise, open the back door of the van from the inside, pull out the camp stove and put on the coffee. Snooze again until the screaming kettle wakes me up. Coffee in bed with whatever view I mysteriously put myself in front of in the dark the evening before. Eat a bowl of cornflakes and a sliced up banana (this would be my last meal of choice if I was facing execution), look up a hike nearby or map out my drive for the day. I’d either pack a lunch for the mountain top or pull over somewhere on the side of the road to make myself a sandwich. That’s the fun thing about driving your house around. Food whenever and wherever you want. After a hike, a swim or a day of driving, I’d try to get to my next campsite before sunset. The sun is setting early in New Zealand these days, around 5:30. I’d throw my headlamp on, cook myself dinner (usually ramen noodles or the occasional can of tuna and rice), change into my puppy dog onesie pajamas my friend Gemma gave me, fill up my hot water bottle, read my book and write in my journal. I even found a way to do my nightly yoga routine INSIDE the van. I was asleep by 8pm. Then repeat. 

Van yoga. lol

I drove a total of 2,700km (1,677 miles, more than driving from Minnesota to Florida). I wandered up mountains, crossed streams, and strolled along the coasts. I camped beneath trees and along wild beaches. I ran into friends (New Zealand is so small). I gathered sea shells and rocks. I swam naked aside hidden shores and I sang a lot. I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to. I was on no one’s agenda but my own and I realized what a gift and a privilege this is. Ultimate freedom. 

Running into my friend Saffy from Raglan in Wanaka

I have two favorite and very random memories from this adventure. The first one is when I was driving back through Christchurch and stayed with my friend Oisin. I met Oisin at Twisted Frequency, a festival I went to over new years. He’s also a Raglan guy. Oisin has been living in Christchurch at the “Sandcastle”. The Sandcastle is a house owned by a lovely couple with their two baby boys. They host internationals: long term visitors and couch surfers. This is a real community. They all eat together every night. Imagine your babies are not only being raised by two awesome, well traveled people that live near the sea and surf, they’re also being taken care of by a range of characters from all over the world. I loved this house and I got along with the housemates right off the bat. They brought me rock climbing, a sport I haven’t done in almost five years. I didn’t have climbing shoes, obviously, so I went up barefoot. I forgot how much I love this. I did my first climb since I graduated university and remembered the rush it gives me. Doesn’t hurt that our view was the valley Christchurch sits in. 

Another spontaneous addition on the road was whale watching out of a plane. I walked into their office one morning and asked if they had any openings for the day. It’s technically the low season so they did. I went with the incredible company out of Kaikoura Wings Over Whales. The pilot let me fly in the cockpit and we were on a mission to spot a male Spermwhale off the coast. Kaikoura’s coast  is like a canyon underwater. Deeper than the Grand Canyon. Whales migrate in this region because it is deep enough to dive depths of 2,000 ft where they hunt giant squid. I’ve always been interested in whales, specifically because they have more mirror neurons than humans do. Mirror neurons are necessary for the feelings of empathy and connecting to others, meaning that whales could ultimately have more empathy than humans. There’s a lot of science being used right now with AI to translate whale communication into means we can understand. I think we could learn a thing or two from these giant creatures. 

Time went by fast in Raglan, too fast, but once I was alone on the road it was like someone hit pause on my life. Days felt so much longer, not because I wasn’t enjoying myself, but because I was the only one I had to enjoy it with. A lot comes up when you spend days in solitude. No distractions. This was like my own version of a vipassana.  A lot of memories; warm ones and hard ones. My grief finally had a moment to surface without all of my social interactions that usually keep it at bay. But that’s okay. I let it come up, and I decided not to fight it. I realized that grief and I are probably going to be together for a long time so we may as well be friendly. It’s funny how as soon as I give my pain some recognition, sit with it and listen to it, I’m a bit lighter. It’s like letting a child throw their temper tantrum and then offering a hug after. Just me, my thoughts, my feelings and I on the edge of the world. Or at least I thought. When my dad passed away I saw a rainbow everyday for almost two weeks. About a week into my van trip I saw 7 rainbows in one day. I couldn’t believe it. The first one was incredible enough, then two!? Three!? Five!? SEVEN!!? I knew it was my dad. 

Rainbow coming out of the funeral home where we held my dad’s service, Saint Paul Park Minnesota

On my last night of my van adventure I crossed paths with my good friends from Raglan, Ella and Gemma. They were leaving raglan in the direction I was heading back. It was so sweet to have a girly van sleepover next to a beautiful lake with these girls. 

I came back to Raglan with a couple of days to spare before my flight and a miraculously bad thing happened. My van broke down as soon as I entered town. This could have happened anywhere, up in the mountains, in the middle of nowhere with no cell service, right before my ferry right up to the north island, but the van decided to hold out until I was “home”. I called my friend Chris, he came with jumper cables and we went to work. Turns out this is a bigger issue than we thought and I needed to get a tow. Big Little Campers was beyond helpful with this and I didn’t need to pay for a thing. The van went into the shop and I soaked up every minute of my last few days in Raglan. 

I’ve left Rag town and came back a couple of times throughout my extended stay in New Zealand, but this one could be final. It hit me that the relationships I made here are deeper than travel buddies; these are people I’d invite to my wedding and call on a tough day. I’ve made real, rooted friends here. Every high has a low to balance it out, and the highs of traveling: the beautiful people and places, are counteracted with the fact that we cannot stay here, together, forever. That’s the real cost of traveling: saying goodbye. My blog posts are always written after I leave a place and I’m so glad to have this documentation to read back on someday to remember the faces and smiles I was so lucky to share different corners of the planet with. I really thought about getting a tattoo before I left Raglan, something to embody one of the best seasons of my life, but I didn’t get around to it and that’s okay. Raglan is tatted on my heart. There’s waves, bare feet, music symbols and sunshine. I’ll always remember the summer I lived in a surf shack. What a life. 

Raglan, NZ

Leaving New Zealand would be a million times harder, maybe even impossible, if I left alone. But luckily for me I’m leaving with my friend Asa, and he’s giving me a paradise of a pit stop as I make my way back to Minnesota: Tahiti. Asa’s aunt has a house right on this French Polynesian island in the South Pacific, between Hawaii and New Zealand, where I’ll spend the next week before I make it home for Minnesota summer. I would never imagine Tahiti on my list of adventures but what a cool surprise to tack on to the end of my trip this time around. As I write this I cannot contain my excitement to see my sister, my mom, my friends, aunties, grandma and grandpas, coworkers and neighbors. I could tell you a dozen reasons why I decided to come home but the biggest one is that I need to see my Minnesota people. No one else can charge my batteries like you do. I have big plans and ideas and I can’t think of a better place to execute them than home. See you soon!! 

More updates on what’s next to come,

Hannah